You’ll Go Crackers Over This Bitchin’ Hummus!

My current snack regiment is devouring an entire box of Mary’s Gone Crackers by dipping them into a tub of Bitchin’ Sauce. I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I managed to create an addiction to two of the most expensive snack items in the grocery store. I’m not saying the products aren’t worth the cost, but when crackers and dip come out to a combined 12 buck a pop (at Whole Foods), it’s time think about trying to make them at home. I found an easy copycat cracker recipe online that I’ve slightly modified, and instead of making just a straight-up copycat of Bitchin’ Sauce, I decided to use the same flavor profile to make a guilt-free hummus. By using whole, dry grains and beans for both of these recipes, it’ll cost you mere pennies per serving. Both of these recipes just so happen to be gluten-free, oil-free, refined-sugar free, and low in sodium, but don’t let that scare you away from giving them a try.

Knockoff Mary’s Gone Crackers

This is a close copycat recipe for my favorite whole grain crackers.

Course: Appetizer, Snack
Cuisine: America
Author: Michael Monson
  • 1 cup cooked and cooled brown rice
  • 1 cup cooked and cooled quinoa
  • 1 tablespoon nutritional yeast
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ½ teaspoon onion powder
  • 1 tablespoon Bragg’s Liquid Aminos, or more to taste
  • 1/4 cup sesame seeds
  • 1/4 cup flax seeds
  • 1/4 cup chia seeds
  • 1 to 2 tablespoons water if your dough feels dry
  • salt to taste
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (340 degrees if using convection).
  2. To a food processor, add everything but the seeds. Pulse, and then process until a ball barely starts to form. The dough should be sticky, and hold together when pressed, but it should not be pureed into a paste. If you're dough isn't coming together, then add a tablespoon or two of water. Scrape down the sides often to make sure all of the ingredients are combined. Add the seeds, and then pulse until the seeds are evenly distributed.
  3. Dump the dough onto a square of parchment paper, and form it into a log the circumference of the crackers you would like to make. Tightly roll the log of dough into the parchment paper, folding over the edges to prevent the dough from drying out. Allow the dough to firm-up in the fridge for about 2 hours, but be careful not to leave it for much longer than that because the dough could become brittle.
  4. Remove the dough from the fridge. Using a serrated knife, slice the log of dough into very thin disks. You want the disks to be as thin as you can cut, while still holding their shape. Place the disks onto a parchment lined baking sheet, or a nonstick baking surface.
  5. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes. Flip. Continue to bake for another 12 to 15 minutes, or until the edges are golden brown, and the crackers are crisp. If some crackers cook faster than others, take the cooked ones out, and allow the thicker ones to continue cook. Allow to cool fully before serving or storing.
Recipe Notes

You can easily cook the quinoa and brown rice together. In fact, I prefer to do it that way. I put a half cup on each into my rice cooker, and cook on the brown rice setting. Just make sure to measure out two cups of the cooked mixture to make this recipe.

Super Umami (Bitchin’) Hummus

This hummus is inspired by one of my favorite dips, Bitchin' Sauce.

Course: Appetizer, Snack
Cuisine: American, Mediterranean
Author: Michael Monson
  • 1 ½ cups cooked and drained chickpeas*
  • 1 lemon, juiced (about 1/4 cup)
  • 3 tablespoons nutritional yeast
  • 1 tablespoon Bragg’s Liquid Aminos
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 2 tablespoons tahini
  • ½ teaspoon cumin
  • ½ teaspoon ancho chili powder
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ½ teaspoon onion powder
  • ¼ teaspoon coriander powder
  • ¼ teaspoon smoked paprika
  • Salt or more Bragg's to taste
  • 1 to 2 tablespoons water
  1. Throw everything into a food processor and blend for about 2 minutes, stopping occasionally to scrape down the sides. If the hummus is too thick, add water, about a tablespoon at a time, until it’s the desired consistency.
  2. This dip is awesome straight out of the processor, but tastes best after it has chilled for about an hour. Serve with veggies or crackers.
Recipe Notes

*If you cook your chickpeas from dry beans, allow them to soak for 12 to 24 hours before cooking. I cooked mine in an Instant Pot for exactly 15 minutes, with a bit of salt and a teaspoon of baking soda. Baking soda will make it easy to remove the skins, which I recommend doing. It’s a bit of a hassle, but the texture of the hummus is much smoother.